Autumn was at the park before me, which meant that I didn't have to wait around for her for a change. When I greeted her she seemed surprised to see me. She then explained that she'd forgotten she had agreed to meet with me today and was expecting Howard Beclan or Bedar, whatever his name is. I lost my temper and shouted at her "He's married!" That Autumn was taken aback by my outburst was an understatement. She shouted back that at least Howard and the others payed more attention to her than I did. As far as she could tell all I cared about was plants and fish. Realizing that there might be more truth than lies to the rumors I'd been hearing I asked Autumn between gritted teeth if she was seeing anyone else. She rattled off a list of almost six names, all of whom I knew to be married. My stomach churned and I told Autumn that I would no longer bother to court her since she clearly preferred married men with no prospects of a commitment. She had retorted something about being promised horses to ride, and all I wanted was to slap her for her stupidity. Instead I gritted out a terse see you around, and went to work an hour early. Imagine my shock when Annette's eldest son Scott showed up. He was there on official business Annette and his dad, Kevin, had developed dementia so he wanted to make sure that we had their details before they kicked off, as he put it. I got everything down and then asked if there was anything more that needed to be noted. Scott paused a moment and then said yeah and handed me a slip of torn that gave me the exact address of their home. My hand froze, addresses were not given out, and people were decidedly not invited over. Yet that was the very clear implications of what Scott had just done. I looked up at Scott, and he made a wry sort of face. "Look man, as eldest I know about mom's bargain with you. I won't hold you to it, not with how Autumn's behaved, but I think she might have actually cared about you. She's been in bed all evening bawling her eyes out. She's never done that before." Scott took a deep breath and then blurted "Just give her a second chance please. Our mom felt you would be a good match for Autumn, and I'm inclined to agree with her." Before I could respond he turned on his heals and was gone. The rest of my night was a bit blurry as I got lost in my own thoughts. Before I could make up my mind on whether or not to visit the Davilla home Autumn showed up in my yard. She was mad at me, and understanding what she was saying wasn't easy between her yelling and crying every other breath. Somehow I was supposed to have known that she wasn't serious about the other guys. I wasn't dealing with her outburst well and told her to go, and turned to go inside since it was way to early to go to work. Suddenly she stopped cold, the silence paused me in my tracks, and I glanced over my shoulder to make sure she wasn't about to attack me. What I saw was complete and utter defeat. "What was I supposed to do? I knew about mom's arrangement. I wasn't supposed to, but I over heard her telling dad and Scott about it before she introduced us. Yet you acted as if you weren't all that interested in me, or Carole for that matter why do you think she accepted Topher." I watched as her shoulders shuddered from her ragged breathing before she continued. "Mom used to have connections on the outside before everything went belly up, and they shoved groups of survivors into unpopulated areas. She told dad that she saw a lot of promise in you and what you were doing, and wouldn't let me accept any other offers. Now I'm an old maid and besides you the only ones who pay attention to me are the married men. So tell me what was I supposed to do, wait until we both died of old age." I was speechless and stunned, before I could reach out to her she was gone back down the hill. Grabbing my pole I went to the beach below me where I knew there wouldn't be any fish and watched the line wiggle with the waves while I did a lot of thinking. I waited a couple of days before braving the Davilla house. Fortunately Annette was having a rare lucid moment and came down the ladder to greet me and welcome me in. Scott interrupted his workout to keep a very close ear and Autumn and I. I kept circling back to what a nice house they had, because I wasn't sure how to say what needed saying in a room full of people. I suspect that Autumn was feeling the same way because she suggested that we move the conversation outside. I was hoping for a proper conversation, instead she started up again on how much I'd hurt her. I couldn't take it again. I'd been prepared to apologize, instead I snapped at her and told her that her choices had hurt me too. That I'd been ready to apologize, but that if she'd prefer to play the victim and wallow then I was gone I had other things to do and other people to see. I didn't on either count, but I hadn't stuck around for her to call me out on my lie. As I walked up the hill I tried to think of who might be eligible for courting and realized that besides Autumn the only other unattached women were either teens or young children, and I was out of time. Autumn wasn't but I was. I decided I'd ended up a troublemaker after all and was going to die without contributing to the gene pool, because there was no way I was going to chase after Autumn, even if she was my only decent choice. Imagine my shock a few days later when I went to leave my protection payment and Autumn said hi. By the large patch of packed and trampled snow she'd been waiting for me to come out for several hours. "I'm sorry" she blurted out. I think she had more she had wanted to say but I could tell that she was cold and I wasn't sure I was up for another of her outbursts. So I stopped her and asked her if she'd like to see the inside of the green house. Being older had it's advantages as Autumn stayed quite while I showed her inside and then gave her a very long tour of the small space and explained how I was only growing the simplest of plants these days. I then showed her the inside of the cabinet, and dragged on for quite another long stretch over each of the 13 fish on the bottom shelf. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her fidgeting and fighting against her grumpy nature. I carefully closed the cabinet while commenting that anyone who decided to partner with me and live here would need to learn how to maintain both the garden and the frozen fish. In addition to bearing children. I stared at her for a second and decided to do something I hadn't done since high school. I loosely grabbed her by the arms and pulled her in for a kiss. I made sure that she could break free at any moment if she chose to. I was prepared for a slap, instead she leaned in to the kiss which was nice. Gently breaking apart our kiss, I asked Autumn to be honest with me and let me know if she had allowed any of the others to be intimate with her, and that I meant if she had allowed them to have sex with her. For a second I thought she was going to explode at me again, but finally she answered. "No, I've never been completely alone with any of them, let alone allowed them any intimacy." Taking a deep ragged breath I asked Autumn if she'd like to see the main part of the house upstairs. She nodded yes. Once we got upstairs I gave her a very brief tour, which did not include the bedroom. I wanted there to be a very clear understanding between us of what would and would not be expected of each other if we did this. I also made it clear that while my choices were limited if I wasn't willing to marry a teen, I knew that her options, including the choice of child without a partner, were larger than mine. I also made sure that she knew I had only a few more moons before dementia would settle in. She pulled me in and wrapped my hands around her waist before grabbing my face and telling me that she already had made her choice when she walked up the hill at sunrise and waited for me to come out. I asked her to hold on as I remembered something I had found while gardening and cleaned up years earlier. I could tell by the shock in Autumn's eyes that she hadn't been prepared for me to have an actual ring let alone get down on one knee and make a formal declaration of commitment. We kept it simple, and promised to look after each other, and to not stray. I told her that if possible I would like up to four children by her, that is if she didn't mind having that many knowing that I probably wouldn't be able to help with their care. We sealed our promises with a kiss and declared ourselves partnered. If there was supposed to be more to getting married I didn't know what it was supposed to be. During our first moon cycle together a few things happened. Autumn hit her middle aged years. Scott and her brother Berjes stopped by to drop off a heavy duffel bag that they said was Autumn's dowry and eventual inheritance from their parents. The duffel contained a tent and a couple of books. To me it was an odd dowry, but Autumn started bawling, and that is how I learned that they'd been on a family trip to obtain a wild horse for Autumn when the world fell apart. The other bit of news was a small group had made it to the pass and found the guard station deserted. Berjes shook his head, not abandoned deserted he clarified rather remains of dead people and no back up sent type of deserted. So with great care to not disturb the dead the group made several trips and brought down enough material to set up what would hopefully become a medical clinic. They just needed people to work it and figure out what the chemical solutions did. Autumn expressed an interest in working at the clinic but felt it might be wise to wait until she had a better grip on methodology and critical analyses first. We had reached our sixth moon together before Autumn became gravid. She hadn't liked the morning sickness, but was glad that now the rumors about her being barren would finally stop. Just like after our third month together the rumors about why we'd partnered had stopped because it had been glaringly obvious that she wasn't pregnant with the weres baby.
Knowing that I'd be an elder with full blown dementia by the time our child was born, I showed Autumn how I cured the banana leaves to use for writing, how I used the berries for ink, and where I kept all of my notes on my experiences. I made her promise me to teach our child how to write and keep journals of our own. I apologized for not figuring out certain things, like loving her, so much earlier. Tonight was my last birthday, at least that I would remember.
2 Comments
Addy
5/2/2020 06:16:29 pm
Am glad that Jullio and Autumn came to an arrangement but sad it happened as late as it has. His "voice" will be missed.
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Mama Dragon
5/2/2020 07:12:29 pm
Thank you
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Founder - Jullio Forrest
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